Now that we are well into the ceasefire, I unpack the mountain of things that I (we?) didn't know, all the things I have learned, and all the reflections that I didn't have the time to share before.
When I accepted Islam, I was oblivious to the Middle Eastern conflict(s).
I never thought, as an American, I would get roped into or impacted by Israel or "her enemies" not getting along. When I was Christian, we were taught that Israel would always have enemies until Jesus (PBUH) comes back. It was to be expected and mostly ignored. As Americans, especially as Christian Americans, the only thing we had to know is that by supporting Israel, we were aligning ourselves with God's will. It's been pounded from the pulpits since childhood.
By the time October 7, 2023, happened, I was already Muslim, had stopped traveling the United States full time, and had moved into an apartment. Life was finally coming along.
I was in full swing on social media, getting updates on X (formerly Twitter). By then, I could already spot rage bait and discern it from clickbait. I was taught unbiased journalism in school, so spotting bias and manipulation in the posts was easy. I knew I didn't have enough information or facts.
*What I did know is that Israel is one of the most advanced armies on the planet, renowned for their strategy and, more importantly, their precision.*
*If anybody could pick off enemy combatants with the least amount of casualties, it would be Israel.*
Shortly after this all went down, I quickly saw the opposite. Not only was there blatant disregard for civilian life, it didn't stop.
What I wasn't expecting was the footage.
Never in my life had I seen such things. When I was a teenager, and there was conflict or war, we saw delayed footage on TV at night that showed green and white lights in the sky and a ball of light where weapons landed. Out of respect for families and children, the news did its best not to show bodies.
We didn't have the technology we have today.
As it continued, the realization set in.
One of the most advanced armies on the planet can't make these kinds of "mistakes." *Therefore, killing this many civilians -- children -- wasn't a mistake.*
When it sank in, I felt like I was frozen in front of the TV, watching the second tower come down on 9/11 all over again. This attack was happening. Israel, according to an old friend, was going to pummel these people into the dirt, something America has threatened others with in the past.
*They weren't going to stop.*
When the first set of shock waves wore off and I could breathe again, I started learning what I could. Like you, I learned about the things you listed. I was shocked.
While those facts of how Israel came to be and how it all operates are true, the narratives we were taught weren't transparent, very much glossed over, and like with many things in this American life, the media and government skillfully directed our attention elsewhere.
The strings in the rest of the fabric started coming apart then: Israel vs. Palestine, Ukraine vs. Russia, the weapons of mass destruction, which we later learned, of course, there were none. And, of course, so many more things.
While I was born here, my parents and my grandparents were born here, and while I believe in and still hope America will be what I was taught it to be growing up (a place of true hope and freedom, etc.), for the first time in my life, I realized that America is not necessarily the good guy all the time.
We've been lied to. And for how long?
I've been forever changed. I've seen things I cannot unsee. I've been halted in my work and walled off in my personal life.
I eventually stopped talking about it. I didn't put it on my social media feeds because it only attracted more. My social media followers can't handle it, and rightly so. Corporate America and prospective bosses frown upon it, seeing those who speak about it as a liability or a risk.
The transferred trauma response is very real.
By not talking about it, I believe, in part, that I'm somehow shielding the ones I love from awful realities. Somehow, by remaining quiet, I naively believe, they won't think I'm crazy, obsessed, *unstable*, or whatever other label people want to throw around or threaten a person with.
I've been screaming inside for so very long.
And I'm not even there.
I'm American. I'm Muslim. Both things are real and valid, but so is the internal conflict it creates.
The wounds and lessons will never leave. I'm not naive enough to believe that Israel will ever keep its word. At this time, I only believe agreements are made between world leaders absent any mutual consent of their people, all in the name of power and money, when it's convenient for them.
I carry myself differently today. I'm neighborly to my neighbors, loving to my family, and hopeful for the future, but I'm definitely walled off, guarded, and, like others, suffering in many ways.
The scars left behind aren't worth bragging about. They're nothing compared to those experienced by those on the ground.
The only consolation I take is knowing that not all Americans, Jews, or Israelis supported this chaos. Allah knows and keeps a record of all things. No one's deeds will be lost, and on Judgement Day, when the earth is gone and all we stand before Allah, Allah will pay back everyone for what they used to do.
Thank you so much for sharing your response in so much detail Misty! I have so much to say about what you have shared but that will be another long comment!
So I will just leave it at this:
Although I am not American, I get it. I get how it feels when you find out uncomfortable truths about the country you love. I get the fear and hesitancy behind sharing about Palestine, as one of the only reasons I was able to do it was because I had a lot of Muslim followers too.
It is interesting to note the views of Christians about this. It seems counterintuitive because according to them jews are the ones who killed Jesus (PBUH) after all.
Like you, It helps me to carry on knowing everything will be avenged in the Hereafter.
May Allah free Palestine and every other oppressed population. May Allah free us from our fears and hurts.
I look for facts without inflammatory language, no name-calling, no labels without balanced sources to warrant them (sources for the situation and sources against), no gaps in a logical story (not having all the information or facts) without acknowledgment of it, and also nothing that tells me how to think or feel about the information presented.
That last point, similar to a "gaslighting". SubhanAllah. I understand, jazakillahul khayr sister Misty for sharing your beneficial experiences (and tips). Its important for us to filter any information because it may indeed change our perspective
I first learned about Israel back in 2021 too, during Ramadan. I started watching loads of YouTube videos and was shocked at what I found out. I was ashamed that my government were the ones who allowed them to build Israel on Palestinian land. But people have seen Israel for the zionists they are and they’ve lost a lot of support around the world which I’m grateful for. Free Palestine 🇵🇸
From your recaps, Atiba, I believe I uncovered something within me. I have been running away. I thought, helplessness pains me. So the best thing is to avoid it all, and pray in silence. I thought it is enough by me leaving IG and focus on my work to strengthen my community instead.
A learned helplessness.
SubhanAllah.
Prior reading your recaps, I actually thought I can't survive it. But, it invokes something else within me. That what happened is real. And them all coming back to their home is real. And they are still exposed, is real.
That what we have gone through together, even though thousand miles a far, is real.
And now I have my own recaps buzzing in my head - when was the earliest time I discovered on their sufferings, and what happened since then
I totally understand Lina. Helplessness made me stop online as well.
Insha Allah in my next post I hope to talk about how we can continue our efforts even if we couldn’t before, and how we can get over the helplessness and other things that made us stop.
I would like to add that any efforts you made in your community are also very important and at times more important than posting online
Indeed. Though this work within the community is quite the background, behind-the-scene work and might not show any progress as fast.
Important topic, Atiba, we need to get over the helplessness. Instead of being helpless with helplessness itself, one important step is to move forward by enlightenment. Jazakillahul khayr for modelling for me, what its look like to be resilient and supporting our people, even if physically apart
When I accepted Islam, I was oblivious to the Middle Eastern conflict(s).
I never thought, as an American, I would get roped into or impacted by Israel or "her enemies" not getting along. When I was Christian, we were taught that Israel would always have enemies until Jesus (PBUH) comes back. It was to be expected and mostly ignored. As Americans, especially as Christian Americans, the only thing we had to know is that by supporting Israel, we were aligning ourselves with God's will. It's been pounded from the pulpits since childhood.
By the time October 7, 2023, happened, I was already Muslim, had stopped traveling the United States full time, and had moved into an apartment. Life was finally coming along.
I was in full swing on social media, getting updates on X (formerly Twitter). By then, I could already spot rage bait and discern it from clickbait. I was taught unbiased journalism in school, so spotting bias and manipulation in the posts was easy. I knew I didn't have enough information or facts.
*What I did know is that Israel is one of the most advanced armies on the planet, renowned for their strategy and, more importantly, their precision.*
*If anybody could pick off enemy combatants with the least amount of casualties, it would be Israel.*
Shortly after this all went down, I quickly saw the opposite. Not only was there blatant disregard for civilian life, it didn't stop.
What I wasn't expecting was the footage.
Never in my life had I seen such things. When I was a teenager, and there was conflict or war, we saw delayed footage on TV at night that showed green and white lights in the sky and a ball of light where weapons landed. Out of respect for families and children, the news did its best not to show bodies.
We didn't have the technology we have today.
As it continued, the realization set in.
One of the most advanced armies on the planet can't make these kinds of "mistakes." *Therefore, killing this many civilians -- children -- wasn't a mistake.*
When it sank in, I felt like I was frozen in front of the TV, watching the second tower come down on 9/11 all over again. This attack was happening. Israel, according to an old friend, was going to pummel these people into the dirt, something America has threatened others with in the past.
*They weren't going to stop.*
When the first set of shock waves wore off and I could breathe again, I started learning what I could. Like you, I learned about the things you listed. I was shocked.
While those facts of how Israel came to be and how it all operates are true, the narratives we were taught weren't transparent, very much glossed over, and like with many things in this American life, the media and government skillfully directed our attention elsewhere.
The strings in the rest of the fabric started coming apart then: Israel vs. Palestine, Ukraine vs. Russia, the weapons of mass destruction, which we later learned, of course, there were none. And, of course, so many more things.
While I was born here, my parents and my grandparents were born here, and while I believe in and still hope America will be what I was taught it to be growing up (a place of true hope and freedom, etc.), for the first time in my life, I realized that America is not necessarily the good guy all the time.
We've been lied to. And for how long?
I've been forever changed. I've seen things I cannot unsee. I've been halted in my work and walled off in my personal life.
I eventually stopped talking about it. I didn't put it on my social media feeds because it only attracted more. My social media followers can't handle it, and rightly so. Corporate America and prospective bosses frown upon it, seeing those who speak about it as a liability or a risk.
The transferred trauma response is very real.
By not talking about it, I believe, in part, that I'm somehow shielding the ones I love from awful realities. Somehow, by remaining quiet, I naively believe, they won't think I'm crazy, obsessed, *unstable*, or whatever other label people want to throw around or threaten a person with.
I've been screaming inside for so very long.
And I'm not even there.
I'm American. I'm Muslim. Both things are real and valid, but so is the internal conflict it creates.
The wounds and lessons will never leave. I'm not naive enough to believe that Israel will ever keep its word. At this time, I only believe agreements are made between world leaders absent any mutual consent of their people, all in the name of power and money, when it's convenient for them.
I carry myself differently today. I'm neighborly to my neighbors, loving to my family, and hopeful for the future, but I'm definitely walled off, guarded, and, like others, suffering in many ways.
The scars left behind aren't worth bragging about. They're nothing compared to those experienced by those on the ground.
The only consolation I take is knowing that not all Americans, Jews, or Israelis supported this chaos. Allah knows and keeps a record of all things. No one's deeds will be lost, and on Judgement Day, when the earth is gone and all we stand before Allah, Allah will pay back everyone for what they used to do.
Thank you so much for sharing your response in so much detail Misty! I have so much to say about what you have shared but that will be another long comment!
So I will just leave it at this:
Although I am not American, I get it. I get how it feels when you find out uncomfortable truths about the country you love. I get the fear and hesitancy behind sharing about Palestine, as one of the only reasons I was able to do it was because I had a lot of Muslim followers too.
It is interesting to note the views of Christians about this. It seems counterintuitive because according to them jews are the ones who killed Jesus (PBUH) after all.
Like you, It helps me to carry on knowing everything will be avenged in the Hereafter.
May Allah free Palestine and every other oppressed population. May Allah free us from our fears and hurts.
"I've been forever changed. I've seen things I cannot unsee." SubhanAllah. Exactly.
This stirs a lot of emotion and memories within me. BarakAllahu feek sister Misty
Sister Misty, I am also curious, may I know how do you spot unbiased journalism?
I look for facts without inflammatory language, no name-calling, no labels without balanced sources to warrant them (sources for the situation and sources against), no gaps in a logical story (not having all the information or facts) without acknowledgment of it, and also nothing that tells me how to think or feel about the information presented.
That last point, similar to a "gaslighting". SubhanAllah. I understand, jazakillahul khayr sister Misty for sharing your beneficial experiences (and tips). Its important for us to filter any information because it may indeed change our perspective
I first learned about Israel back in 2021 too, during Ramadan. I started watching loads of YouTube videos and was shocked at what I found out. I was ashamed that my government were the ones who allowed them to build Israel on Palestinian land. But people have seen Israel for the zionists they are and they’ve lost a lot of support around the world which I’m grateful for. Free Palestine 🇵🇸
That is true, the liberation of Palestine is near, Insha Allah
From your recaps, Atiba, I believe I uncovered something within me. I have been running away. I thought, helplessness pains me. So the best thing is to avoid it all, and pray in silence. I thought it is enough by me leaving IG and focus on my work to strengthen my community instead.
A learned helplessness.
SubhanAllah.
Prior reading your recaps, I actually thought I can't survive it. But, it invokes something else within me. That what happened is real. And them all coming back to their home is real. And they are still exposed, is real.
That what we have gone through together, even though thousand miles a far, is real.
And now I have my own recaps buzzing in my head - when was the earliest time I discovered on their sufferings, and what happened since then
I totally understand Lina. Helplessness made me stop online as well.
Insha Allah in my next post I hope to talk about how we can continue our efforts even if we couldn’t before, and how we can get over the helplessness and other things that made us stop.
I would like to add that any efforts you made in your community are also very important and at times more important than posting online
Indeed. Though this work within the community is quite the background, behind-the-scene work and might not show any progress as fast.
Important topic, Atiba, we need to get over the helplessness. Instead of being helpless with helplessness itself, one important step is to move forward by enlightenment. Jazakillahul khayr for modelling for me, what its look like to be resilient and supporting our people, even if physically apart
هل ممكن تصاعدني
Thank you for your comment. Unfortunately I don’t speak Arabic so I don’t know what you said here 😅